al-qaeda spider

Last night on the way home from a movie there was a spider on the windshield, which Mike tried to kill while driving and telling me not to look. Afterward the conversation went like this:

Mike: I TOLD you not to look!
Me: Well I can't not look, I have to know what the threat is!
Mike: The threat? What, was it Al-Qaeda on the windshield? They almost...
Me: Got me?
Mike: ...Put a veil on you.

(In Port Angeles)
Carrie: Excuse me, can you pretend to be assaulting me?

Who Pooped in the Park?

Greetings from Forks! A few highlights of the day from Megan and Carrie:

• We found an amazing book in the Forks welcome center called Who Pooped in the Park? Animal Scat and Tracks for Kids. That in and of itself is incredible, but the book was really a gem. It was about a little boy who was afraid of seeing bears and things in the woods, and his parents told him that he could enjoy animals by looking at their tracks and "scat." "We don't have to have close encounters of the scary kind, we can have encounters of the poopy kind!" At the end of the day, the kids have discovered the joys of animal scat. "We didn't see any animals, but it felt like we did!"
• Don't touch racoon scat. It contains parasites. You can identify owl poop because it's full of bones and fur.
• In the Forks Coffee Shop - Carrie: "That waitress has angst!" (Throws in vampire fangs and bares teeth at her back.)
• On a sign: "Beach logs kill!!!" Also, "Tsunami Evacuation Route." Yes, drive AWAY from the ocean.

Sadly, we weren't keeping a list of our hilarity, but I'll add more as I think of it.

A Moment

Today I was texting Krissie and she asked if I was dating anyone. (Actually, she asked if I was eating anyone, but I assumed she meant dating.) I told her that I'm actually pretty hopeless with dating and that I'm good at making friends with boys, but not at dating them.

Krissie: "Oh I am in the boat beside you holdin out your oar."

Yeah, we're going to get along just fine.

Pet Meds

"There are hundreds of pets across America dealing with drug addiction because of Betty White."

My sister and I were watching TV and that annoying Betty White Pet Meds commercial came on...I said I hate those commercials and Lauren said Betty White was old and then I started talking about how she is trafficking drugs to pets....hence the quote above.




For the record, i don't like that i have to post my own quotes, but it was my sister's idea...she just couldn't post it for me so this will have to do. the end.

(about a game of Monopoly in which he cheated... a lot...)
But you were destined to win anyway. You're like... Luke Skywalker. Or Jesus.
-Mike

Aw.

My four year-old nephew Cooper, after coming off a ride at Lagoon: "Daddy, my tummy is dizzy!"

Another incident of bad timing.

We were over at Jeff's brother's house playing Apples to Apples, when Jeff and his brother were recalling how the card "Hellen Keller" usually works in most cases. So they threw down the next green card, and Jeff jokingly called out Hellen Keller. Sadly the word was "senseless". Wait to go, Jeff.

I guess this isn't much of an actual quote, but funny none the less.

All in a days work... stupid readers digest...

So basically, Nicole and I were hanging out on Temple square as we both work there now, and I was telling her about how I was traumatized at the thought that I may have deleted the original copies of all our movies.

Nicole: But don't you have a copy on your dad's computer? We made them on there!
Lili: No Nicole! I took everything off my dad's computer! I gutted it!
Nicole: You did!?
Lili: Yes! (6 missionaries walk behind me and I am unaware...) I just took everything off! (Louder, to be dramatic.) I took EVERYTHING off!!!

...Missionaries look my direction, then continue awkwardly on their way...

I am so embarrassed... Sob...

Jennie: Miri, now your naked bear looks more naked.
Miri: That's because now he's naked and alone.
Curt: Story of my life.

Miri: Why is Prince William on my bed?

Basically, we're going to hell

Notes from church on Sunday . . . while sitting by Curt.

Megan: Lili knows every Osmond song.
Jeff knows this, and they are still together.
It must be love.
Miri: Curt thought you were taking notes: How to be converted by the Top 40. (In response to the speaker, who told her mom or dad's conversion story, which involved listening to the Osmonds.)
Megan: That's next. But I'm going to type it up because there's just too much to say and it's such an important concept.
Miri: We'll probably have to get it published. This talk, the notes. How about "The Annotated . . ." and so on. How can we deprive the world of this knowledge?

Speaker #2: (after indicating that the reason to do missionary work is that it is an adventure) Life without adventure is kind of . . . adventureless.

Curt: (after Miri responded to his picture of the speaker as the Geico gecko with "I have no words.") Life without words is kind of wordless.

Speaker #3 quotes a Will Smith song.
Megan: Wow, thank you for quoting Will Smith.
Miri: I can definitely say amen to this talk now.

Pop Culture Quoted or Referenced in Sacrament Meeting - the final list:
The Osmonds
Will Smith
Oprah
Mitch Albom
Schindler's List
The Hiding Place

Curt: Closing Hymn: "God Be With You 'Till We Meet Again." (Crossed out) "Bye, Bye, Bye."
Miri: I'm waiting for the LOTR reference, or Mary Poppins or something.
Lili: Harry Potter, anyone? I would have mentioned Harry Potter.
Curt: Forgiveness is like Quidditch..."

Sunday school

Megan: Ah. Brazilan girlfriend explains the awkwardness when I first met him. C'mon dude. Watching Curious George is not a threatening situation.
Miri: Kind of awkward that he felt compelled to tell his life story so no one would think he met the Brazilian girlfriend on his mission...
Megan: He's already planning to use Portugese in his talk? Not judging device commencing . . . now.
Miri: Device . . . failure . . . mayday, mayday!
The system is down.

(When Sunday school started the new teacher let us ask questions. Curt asked whether he'd cut himself shaving because he had a bandaid on his neck, and he gave some vague crap answer about how it was something else... no idea.)
Curt: I don't care what he says, he did cut himself shaving. Yay! Puberty!
Miri: He just has a (really small) hickey.
Curt: I am contemplating from whence small hickeys come? .... young Brazilian girls with straws?
Miri: Ew.
Megan: Enter Babylon
Miri: (quoting Kay): What the Sodom and Gomorrah is this?
Curt: I was going to say "off with his head," but from the looks of his neck, someone has already started that.
Miri: Will we be painting the roses red after the lesson?

Megan (to Miri): Wow, that fits you even worse than it fit me!

Paris holds the key to.....funny quotes.

Here are some various quotes from Krissie and I in Paris this last week....enjoy!

"Come here and let me whisper sweet nothings into your eye."
- Lindsey trying to help Krissie get something out of her eye.

"I'll give you ten Euros for the Eiffel Tower."
- Krissie trying to get an Indian guy to sell her the actual Eiffel Tower

"Hello France! Can you see my underpants?"
- Krissie in front of the open hotel window

"Make them think you are taking pity on a hunchback."
- Lindsey (I can't really remember why at the moment)

Lin: "What kind of garden doesn't let you play on the grass?!"
Krissie: "Hitler's Garden."

"The garbage can says 'Merci'! It's speaking French to me!!"
- Krissie at McDonalds

"I don't think that is him because he didn't answer to James."
- Krissie after having chased James Spader in the Louvre

(To the tune of My Humps) "Your pinkie, your pinkie, I want to hold your pinkie winkie." - just don't ask

Krissie: "You sure think a lot about monks."
Evan: "I'm not gay."

Finally, after watching a male pigeon chase idiotically after a female pigeon for a very long time Krissie said, "Boys are retarded."

A Lesson in Paying Attention

[playing the thimble game at Bishop McGee's house]
Chris Savage: Okay, the category is former Soviet satellites. [laughter from group] Just kidding. TV shows! [points to Jason McGee first, thimble poised]
Jason McGee [triumphantly]: Yugoslavia!
Chris: [splashes Jason in the face]
Jason: [splashes Travis in the face for distracting him]

Geoff Strikes Again

This is kind of a paraphrase from Sunday school today. We were talking about prayer and how sometimes we just have to be persistent in what we ask for - the Lord wants to see how much we care about what we're asking for, etc.

Geoff: You know, sometimes I say to myself, 'I'd like to eat now,' but I don't feel like putting in the effort to prepare anything. Sometimes I eat hot dogs, not because I actually want hot dogs, but that's what I end up with. I eat a lot of hot dogs. So that's kind of like our prayers. We can't be satisfied with spiritual hot dogs.

How true that is. I think that may be destined to go down in history next to the parable of the pickle. Maybe it's a hot dog with relish.

Today.

Miri: (Generic whining about how screamo bands irritate the crap out of me. If you can't find a MUSICAL way to express yourself, maybe you shouldn't be a MUSICIAN. And also how I was disappointed/annoyed by a My Chemical Romance song that had looked promising.)
Megan: Well, it's ok. I heard the lead singer has cancer or something.
Miri: (at least a minute or two later) Wait- did you mean it's ok, he has cancer, as in he's going to DIE??


I finished snogging today. -Nicole


Megan: Why are you still talking?
Lili: My mom says that all the time!


Were you just making upward noises? -Lili


(in reference to the 10% Toys R Us discount which is pretty much only good for getting rid of tax)
Megan: Any time you can cheat the government, it's a good day.
Miri: I'm writing that on the quote wall. We might get arrested, but it'll be worth it.


Harry Potter does not have a mullet. -Lili


Miri: You're a butthead, Lili.
Lili: That is the worst imagery Miri. That's like "Eyemouth!" "Toe-ear, Miri!"

Lili: I have an anti-Miri device around my door. I only turn it on during the day. I know every time you've come into my bed!
Miri: [uncontrollable laughter]

All: Jim! Jim!
Lili: We're idiots. All of us. Every one.

Cracking the Whip

(In reference to a fairy tale theater movie Mike refused to watch)
"I watched Dragon Ball Z with you. If you don't want me to make a list of all of the things you've made me do that I didn't want to do, you will watch this movie. Now, let's go shopping." - Miri

Quote from across the pond

"I feel bad her water broke." -Lindsey




(I was referring to a bottle of water...)

Geoff's First Quote

Here, you can have your steamy sex back... -Geoff