Poop.

Mike [feeling carsick]: Ugh, I feel sick.

Miri [trying to distract him]: Look at all that poop smeared on the window.

Mike: Don't talk about poop!

Miri [trying again to distract him]: Look! Small children!

Mike: They're even worse than poop! They're like, the pure essence of poop!

It had to happen eventually.

We were talking about how the most seductive scene in all of Disney is in The Lion King. I don't know why, but everyone seemed to agree except those of us who are pure and innocent. Jeff said he'd never seen it that way and I sarcastically asked Jeff where his mind had been. Someone said something about it not being in the gutter and then . . .
Steve: "What gutter? It's right there. It's like watching a sex scene and saying, 'What's the big deal? It's just some social interaction!'"

I want to go read my blog again. I'm so funny! I wish someone else was as funny as me so I could read their blog. --Mike FancyPants Shorten

PizzAmore!

Megan: I wish there were playful men in my oven!

Hurrah for 8th Grade

8th Grade Student: [in regards to the teacher's leather jacket] I'm pretty sure we're doing them [cows] a favor. 'Cause they're ugly.

Lili: Jennie, let me see your bellybutton for medical reasons.

She's Back!

Jennie: Lili is sooo funny, you'll pee your pants.
Whitney: Well, I will be prepared to wash my clothes often.

Mike: I have a friend who doesn't like fruit. He lives on [mumble mumble]
Miri: He lives on Mount Doom? ... Oh. He lives on Mountain Dew.
Mike: [laughing a lot]

Remember Puberty?

Aaron was talking to Mike and me and his voice cracked, so he turns to Mike and says "Wow, that hasn't happened in a long time. Remember puberty? That was great."

Jennie's birthday!

Megan: So I was watching Joyeux Noel with subtitles, and they were saying "chouette" in the movie--
Miri: Which sounds like "shit."
Jonathan: hysterical laughter

I think that boy has a penguin on his head. --Miri (and he did-->)

If you're in the middle you pretty much have to grope someone. --Megan

Jonathan: I'm going to go wash up.
awkward silence while he leaves
Marci: Well that's very hygienic of him.
Miri: He probably just needs some "man" time. He's gonna go look at the urinals for a while.

Janie!

Janie (at her bridal shower): We went to Divine Comedy on our first date and it was awful. Don't waste your time.
Various girls: Divine Comedy is great! We love it!
Janie: Well the one we went to was Pooptacular.

If I could marry Miri without going to hell...

(Walking home from church today, Miri was explaining to Mike that she wanted to stop by our apartment before going to his house. When he asked why, I told him it was because she loves us.)
Miri: Yes, I love Megan. And my roommates.
Me: I'm glad I get top billing here!
Miri: Megan, if I were a polygamist (and a man) you would be my first wife.

Muppet Christmas Carol Night Quotes

Geoff (to Megan before he hugged her): I have to take advantage of you while you're vertical and your hands are occupied.

Geoff: Oh you're right, Fred IS hot! (Scrooge's nephew Fred)

Jennie: You know what, I am pretty much the nicest person I know, and I do not understand why boys keep treating me like s***!

Hilarity is Her Middle Name

Miri: What did you decide on the engagement front?
Lili: Um, still up in the air. I left it up to him, waiting for him to pop the question. If he does, then he does. If he doesn't, then he's dead.


Lili: I'd better go shower for the party tonight! Cleanliness is next to muppetness!

Girl Bonding = Boy Hating. It's True.

Lili: She [Jennie] seriously needs to learn some man-hating skills. That is what... fuels love. Is when you find a guy who ISN'T as stupid as the rest.


not so much funny as it is very, very true.

So I was complaining to Miri about how long it's taking me to write my Hitchcock paper even though I know exactly where it's going (at least up to a point...then I'm not sure).
Miri: I'm sorry you're stuck . . .
Maybe you need to plunge your paper.

If you aren't laughing, you haven't read about my plumbing adventures. Yay Miri.

Sheryl and I were outside grilling some chicken and while we were waiting for it to cook up we started doing clapping games.

Lindsey: Cinderella, dressed in yella went upstairs to kiss a fella...
Sheryl: When she kissed him he said, "Nay! Get thee hence!"

yeah. brilliant.

Yes.

Miri: Megan, I'm whining.
Megan: I know.
Miri: But you aren't acknowledging it.
Megan: I find that's the best way to deal with it.
Miri: Rude! See if I whine to you again.

beaverandsteve.com

for you fellow Scrabulous lovers.

craziness

Lindsey: You look like the guy who built the railroads!
Miri: Paul Bunyan?
Lindsey: Yeah, because Paul Bunyan built the railroads with his giant ox.

Lindsey: That's the worse car commercial ever...maybe if it were for something cool...
Miri: Like drugs?
Lindsey: or soda.

Miri: How do these compare in size to mini coopers, do you suppose?
Lindsey: One Mini Cooper is to One VW Bug as One Unicorn is to One Leprechaun.
Megan: Is that the default unit of measurement now?

Lindsey: Fisticuffs. It may come to fisticuffs.

Megan: Lindsey= Potiphar's wife.
Lindsey: I am not the whore of Babylon!

Lindsey: Too many butt references.
Megan: There can never be too many butt references.

Miri: I bet you wake up with a Tiger butt on your face.