The Virtual Quote Wall

Ah. That clears it up.

2010-02-22T10:02:00.000-07:00

Me: Why are the awkward guys with the unibrows always the most persistent?
Aaron: The oblivious and tenacious attributes are contained in the centermost eyebrow folicles.

Why I Love Matt

2010-01-27T20:51:00.000-07:00

Matt Haggard via text during the State of the Union (after Obama said his wife had a program to tackle childhood obesity): "This is long. And I'm glad Michelle is going to tackle obese children."

Two Twilight-Related Quotes

2009-11-21T12:37:00.002-07:00

1) From an article in Entertainment Weekly, I bring you this quote by Robert Pattinson.

(After Kristen Stewart explained that the studio wanted him to have hair down to his shoulders in Twilight) "So I told them, 'Look, that's just not going to happen.' I said, 'It looks like this already--I'll come to set like this." I sounds so stupid, but in a lot of ways the hair is 75 percent of my performance, so in the second one I said, 'Listen, I need to tone down the hair. Let's make it a little more real, a little bit more . . . Method.'"

2) From our pre-New Moon viewing of Twilight. It was the end, where Jacob is talking to Bella and then Edward kind of steps in jealously and they go to the prom.
Rayla: Territory marked!
Me (thoughtfully): It's probably good that it was the vampire who marked his territory though. If the werewolf was going to do it, he's probably just pee on her.

Arlo Guthrie

2009-03-29T22:39:00.002-06:00

So I went to the Arlo Guthrie concert the other night, and this was my favorite bit of wisdom (although it probably wasn't the funniest thing he said. But I want it down somewhere.)
"People are always asking me to give them advice about songwriting. I tell them that songwriting is like fishing. There's a lot of waiting for a song to swim by. When one does, if you have a pen, you can write it down. If you don't, it swims on to the next songwriter. Like Bob Dylan. Once I wrote to Bob and said, 'Hey, just throw back some of the little ones to me!' He didn't think it was that funny. But yeah, my advice is, do whatever the hell you want - just don't sit downstream from Dylan."
How true that is.
I wish I could explain his interpretation of the story of Joseph in Egypt, but I'm sure I couldn't do it justice. Amazing though.

"Shhh, they'll hear us!"

2009-02-10T13:27:00.001-07:00

"Excuse me, ma'am, that's my personal nipple." --Mike Shorten, in the public library

Story: We're in the library and Mike starts pretending he doesn't know me ("um, ma'am, stop holding my hand, I don't know you")--so I pinched him.

Self Esteem Stick

2008-11-25T10:15:00.003-07:00

Whitney is in a self defense class this semester and they issued her a self defense stick to attach to her keychain. It is basically a long black stick that could cause some serious harm to an attacker.

I believe Megan slipped one night and called it Whitney's self esteem stick which then launched me into saying things like, "Oh! Let me hold it!" and "I feel SO much better about myself right now!" Then I handed it to Megan, she took it from me and I said, "Do you like yourself more now? Because I like myself a little less."

Diversity

2008-09-28T01:49:00.004-06:00

So the other day Whitney discovered that a horrible mistake had been made and she wasn't registered as a double major in German and English. Instead, they had her down for grad school with a primary emphasis in German Studies as well as a secondary emphasis in German Studies.
Me: Well, Whitney, that's very diverse of you.
Whitney: Oh yes, I'm very diverse. I can study the same thing primarily and secondarily.

2008-08-12T06:41:00.000-06:00

Gracie Holland (age 6): "This game is taking forever!"
Mattie Benfell: "Your pessimism isn't exactly helping."
Gracie: "Your face isn't exactly helping."

hahahahaha.

2008-08-07T22:58:00.002-06:00

[playing a game]
Dafni: Mom, it's your turn.
My dad: No no no, hold on a second! I'm trying to figure out a way to snatch victory out of the jaws of... delayed victory!

2008-08-04T13:11:00.002-06:00

I just remembered this from a while ago, but it proves even further my theory that I am, infact, the closest to a man in our apartment.

I walked up to the front desk at the UVU student center to ask where my ice skating class was. The receptionist was busy at her desk.

She says, "Can I help you, sir?"
I wait a little bit, looking around to see if there is a man around. Nope.
I say, "uh..."
She looks up, and says just as unenthusiastically, "...Ma'am..."

I guess I was wearing a sweatshirt, but common! You can still see my shapes and make-up'd face! Sigh.

So soon?

2008-07-13T14:54:00.002-06:00

So I was doing a little cursory research on Richard the Lionheart for my Poli Sci paper, and I learned the following:

"Richard spent 33 years in purgatory as expiation for his sins, eventually ascending to heaven in March 1232."

Good on you Richard. I'm glad you finally made it.

2008-07-10T09:51:00.002-06:00

We were doing an extremely hard puzzle with Jeff's family, and we were frustrated. Jeff's youngest sister who is pretty much the brightest, wittiest 14 year old I know, being a master of difficult sudokus, and has read any book you can name, hadn't joined in yet. She finally broke down and said, "Well, maybe I'm a puzzle genius." and sat down and started to help us out.

I think Rosie has a pretty good philosophy. You never know if you are a genius at something until you try it. Have you discovered if there is a puzzle genius inside you?

The Wonderful Land of Oz

2008-07-10T09:29:00.002-06:00

Oz is Australia. Did you know? Craziness. Anyway, my friend Christy has been staying at my house for the last two weeks and it has been fun. It's like being in college again. Late night runs for food that is unhealthy, staying up past our bedtimes, watching silly tv shows. Tres marvy and fab.

So we went to Taco Bell the other day. This marks the 2nd time Christy has experienced Taco Bell. The first time she got a double decker taco (which is always a good idea) and a burrito. At that time I had to explain to her what a burrito was. Awesome. This time, she looked at the menu and asked for the taco thing she got last time. Then she paused and said, "What's a burrito again?"

This caused me to laugh a lot. It was an honest question, but so funny in terms of having grown up in America and being very familiar with what a burrito is.

Crap! Where's My Pea?

2008-07-03T10:53:00.002-06:00

I just returned from an amazing adventure in Virginia! I met a ton of really cool people and got to see lots of amazing sites in Washington DC. While out to ice cream one night, Darren Jackson was telling stories about his 14 year old brother who is fittingly named Brenton. He is basically a heart throb and all the girls scream when he even enters a room. If I were younger I would want to marry him!!! At dinner on Sunday Brenton was eating and out of the blue yelled: Crap! Where's my pea?
I thought it was hilarious!

PS Miri and Megan-remember "Blind Date Billy" yep the very same Darren Jackson:)

Um, what?

2008-06-28T09:18:00.002-06:00

Sitting in our room in the London Centre, me reading blogs, Cami putting on lotion.
Cami: Megan, I don't remember how old I am!
Me: . . .

I don't know why, but this made me laugh a lot. Inside though. I didn't want to be callous.

TB

2008-06-20T20:45:00.003-06:00

We were in the car and we were listening to an oompa loompa song and there's a line that says "what do you get when you guzzle down sweets?" and I sang "what do you get when you guzzle down streets?"

Then I said, what WOULD you get if you guzzled down streets? Probably tuberculosis.

Is it still funny? haha. To me it is. I was a little loopy though.

Dave is Crazy!!

2008-06-03T09:45:00.003-06:00

First of all I would like to point out that this is my first time contributing to the virtual quote wall and I am super excited!

This comes from Dave, the crazy eccentric manager of the Belmont Apartments. After simply asking him when our new air conditioner would be installed, he proceeded to talk to me for 45 minutes about random things. Two of my favorites were lines were:

"I have never felt the spirit so damn strong in my life, so I marched right down there to those Sons of B's and told them what for!"

"Putting the polar bears on the endangered species list is a communist ploy to turn America into a socialist society."

Slip Slidin' Away...

2008-06-03T00:55:00.003-06:00

Conversation during this weekend's spontaneous slip and slide adventure at my house.
Steve: This time I'm going to slide on one buttock.
Jennie: How does one distinguish between buttocks?
[Awkward pause]
Steve: Well, you may not have noticed, but there's a chasm between the two. . .

I'm pretty sure there was something else I was going to post from that night, but alas, I do not remember. If anyone does, please comment and remind me.

Jennie is not a man

2008-05-09T13:02:00.003-06:00

After spending Miri's wedding day on our feet - Jennie and Megan in tres cute wedges and I in red flats, I noticed that my feet hurt, specifically my heels - because in flats, that's where all the pressure was going.

L: The heels of my feet hurt. I've been walking on my heels all day.
Jennie: My feet hurt, too. I've been walking on my balls all day.

Poop.

2008-04-15T01:48:00.003-06:00

Mike [feeling carsick]: Ugh, I feel sick.

Miri [trying to distract him]: Look at all that poop smeared on the window.

Mike: Don't talk about poop!

Miri [trying again to distract him]: Look! Small children!

Mike: They're even worse than poop! They're like, the pure essence of poop!

It had to happen eventually.

2008-03-20T23:29:00.002-06:00

We were talking about how the most seductive scene in all of Disney is in The Lion King. I don't know why, but everyone seemed to agree except those of us who are pure and innocent. Jeff said he'd never seen it that way and I sarcastically asked Jeff where his mind had been. Someone said something about it not being in the gutter and then . . .
Steve: "What gutter? It's right there. It's like watching a sex scene and saying, 'What's the big deal? It's just some social interaction!'"

2008-03-18T10:46:00.001-06:00

I want to go read my blog again. I'm so funny! I wish someone else was as funny as me so I could read their blog. --Mike FancyPants Shorten

PizzAmore!

2008-02-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

Megan: I wish there were playful men in my oven!

Hurrah for 8th Grade

2008-02-26T14:57:00.001-07:00

8th Grade Student: [in regards to the teacher's leather jacket] I'm pretty sure we're doing them [cows] a favor. 'Cause they're ugly.

2008-02-10T22:29:00.001-07:00

Lili: Jennie, let me see your bellybutton for medical reasons.

She's Back!

2008-01-04T19:24:00.000-07:00

Jennie: Lili is sooo funny, you'll pee your pants.
Whitney: Well, I will be prepared to wash my clothes often.

2007-12-22T01:09:00.000-07:00

Mike: I have a friend who doesn't like fruit. He lives on [mumble mumble]
Miri: He lives on Mount Doom? ... Oh. He lives on Mountain Dew.
Mike: [laughing a lot]

Remember Puberty?

2007-12-12T22:50:00.001-07:00

Aaron was talking to Mike and me and his voice cracked, so he turns to Mike and says "Wow, that hasn't happened in a long time. Remember puberty? That was great."

Jennie's birthday!

2007-12-12T20:05:00.000-07:00

Megan: So I was watching Joyeux Noel with subtitles, and they were saying "chouette" in the movie--
Miri: Which sounds like "shit."
Jonathan: hysterical laughter

I think that boy has a penguin on his head. --Miri (and he did-->)

If you're in the middle you pretty much have to grope someone. --Megan

Jonathan: I'm going to go wash up.
awkward silence while he leaves
Marci: Well that's very hygienic of him.
Miri: He probably just needs some "man" time. He's gonna go look at the urinals for a while.

Janie!

2007-12-09T23:58:00.001-07:00

Janie (at her bridal shower): We went to Divine Comedy on our first date and it was awful. Don't waste your time.
Various girls: Divine Comedy is great! We love it!
Janie: Well the one we went to was Pooptacular.

If I could marry Miri without going to hell...

2007-12-09T17:14:00.001-07:00

(Walking home from church today, Miri was explaining to Mike that she wanted to stop by our apartment before going to his house. When he asked why, I told him it was because she loves us.)
Miri: Yes, I love Megan. And my roommates.
Me: I'm glad I get top billing here!
Miri: Megan, if I were a polygamist (and a man) you would be my first wife.

Muppet Christmas Carol Night Quotes

2007-12-07T00:09:00.000-07:00

Geoff (to Megan before he hugged her): I have to take advantage of you while you're vertical and your hands are occupied.

Geoff: Oh you're right, Fred IS hot! (Scrooge's nephew Fred)

Jennie: You know what, I am pretty much the nicest person I know, and I do not understand why boys keep treating me like s***!

Hilarity is Her Middle Name

2007-12-06T17:49:00.000-07:00

Miri: What did you decide on the engagement front?
Lili: Um, still up in the air. I left it up to him, waiting for him to pop the question. If he does, then he does. If he doesn't, then he's dead.

Lili: I'd better go shower for the party tonight! Cleanliness is next to muppetness!

Girl Bonding = Boy Hating. It's True.

2007-12-06T17:44:00.001-07:00

Lili: She [Jennie] seriously needs to learn some man-hating skills. That is what... fuels love. Is when you find a guy who ISN'T as stupid as the rest.

not so much funny as it is very, very true.

2007-12-04T12:34:00.001-07:00

So I was complaining to Miri about how long it's taking me to write my Hitchcock paper even though I know exactly where it's going (at least up to a point...then I'm not sure).
Miri: I'm sorry you're stuck . . .
Maybe you need to plunge your paper.

If you aren't laughing, you haven't read about my plumbing adventures. Yay Miri.

2007-11-19T06:32:00.000-07:00

Sheryl and I were outside grilling some chicken and while we were waiting for it to cook up we started doing clapping games.

Lindsey: Cinderella, dressed in yella went upstairs to kiss a fella...
Sheryl: When she kissed him he said, "Nay! Get thee hence!"

yeah. brilliant.

Yes.

2007-11-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

Miri: Megan, I'm whining.
Megan: I know.
Miri: But you aren't acknowledging it.
Megan: I find that's the best way to deal with it.
Miri: Rude! See if I whine to you again.

beaverandsteve.com

2007-11-14T11:03:00.000-07:00

for you fellow Scrabulous lovers.

craziness

2007-11-09T00:57:00.001-07:00

Lindsey: You look like the guy who built the railroads!
Miri: Paul Bunyan?
Lindsey: Yeah, because Paul Bunyan built the railroads with his giant ox.

Lindsey: That's the worse car commercial ever...maybe if it were for something cool...
Miri: Like drugs?
Lindsey: or soda.

Miri: How do these compare in size to mini coopers, do you suppose?
Lindsey: One Mini Cooper is to One VW Bug as One Unicorn is to One Leprechaun.
Megan: Is that the default unit of measurement now?

Lindsey: Fisticuffs. It may come to fisticuffs.

Megan: Lindsey= Potiphar's wife.
Lindsey: I am not the whore of Babylon!

Lindsey: Too many butt references.
Megan: There can never be too many butt references.

Miri: I bet you wake up with a Tiger butt on your face.

Quotes from NAPCN

2007-11-07T22:25:00.001-07:00

Jennie: Miri, have you smelled Nate??
Miri: What does Nate smell like?
Nate: MAN.

Nate: Megan, why are you holding the babe magnet?
Megan: I AM a babe magnet.
Nate: But you're a babe.

Miri: Lili, have you said anything funny since you got here?
Lili: Miri.

Nate decided to start giving girls locks of his hair tied up in bows made of ribbon in the color "man blue".

Curt: Your butt is like an amusement park.
(in reference to Lindsey's bottom)

2007-11-07T10:35:00.000-07:00

last night, on the way home from Curt's...
we pretty much went in circles taking all the back roads to get home. at one point we were going around a sketchy-looking corner and Lindsey said:
Lindsey: where is this taking us?
(the corner got scarier as we went around it)
Miri: um... somewhere where we get raped.
(hysterical laughing begins)
Lindsey: oh, look, it's Honk's. which is also somewhere where we could get raped.
(venting about the stupidness of it becoming a $1.05 store begins)

this was much, much funnier as it happened.

2007-11-03T01:00:00.000-06:00

Megan: Alas. And alack. And Alaska.
Miri: [Uncontrollable laughter]
Megan: I can't believe you're still laughing at that one Miri.
Miri: I know, it's just always so unexpected. Alaska always pops its head up at the end and surprises me.

Quotes.

2007-10-19T23:07:00.000-06:00

Megan [as Miri]: If only Todd would look at me, I'd drop Mike like a hot potato!
Miri: Or a... heavy one.
Megan: Yes. A hot or heavy potato. Not to be confused with a hot AND heavy potato, which would be quite different.

Todd: Well, I'm off.
Megan: Like soiled socks!
Miri: Or a prom dress!
Megan: Or a dirty shirt!
Miri: Or a... rocket...
Megan: Or a light switch.
Todd: ...Bye. [closes door]
Miri: Todd! Todd!
Todd: [opens door]
Miri: Guard your carnal treasure!
Todd: [rolls eyes and closes door]
Megan: Todd! Todd!
Todd: [opens door]
Megan: Let your cheeks bounce!
Todd: [rolls eyes and closes door harder]
Miri: TODD! TODD!
Todd: [opens door] WHAT?
Miri: ...have... fun.
Todd: Ok. Bye. [closes door. runs away.]

From Giant Journaling on Wednesday:
Janie: So what's the story on the pot in the garbage?

Megan: pdododododododo

2007-10-15T06:40:00.000-06:00

This isn't so much a quote as just kind of funny and embarrassing.

My friend Sheryl and I went to a new singles ward in College Park. There was a guy there I recognized from other activities and I knew he knew Krissie. He sat in front of us and introduced himself. I told him my name and he gave me a "i think i know you" look. He said, "are you two from southern maryland?" I told him yes. He asked my last name. I told him what it was.

Then he said, "Oh. Yeah. I know Krissie. You're married to her on Facebook, right?"

Um. Yes. Yes I am.

2007-10-12T00:04:00.001-06:00

2007-10-04T13:13:00.000-06:00

I just thought everyone should probably see this...

Prayer Giggles...

2007-09-22T02:37:00.000-06:00

So, there we were, all gathered round to have roommate prayer. As we all know, once someone starts to giggle, then it is over with, and there is NO way a prayer is to be said.

So after I mentioned the infamous grape lady movie (if you don't know what I mean, look up "grape lady" on youtube) then we all lost it. Soon enough people were telling theories of how to stop the giggles.

I said, "Well, I just try to remember that I am talking to Heavenly Father, and I should be reverent..."

Nicole said, "I just talk to myself..."

I said, "Nicole! You are talking to SOMEONE when you pray!!!"

Nicole said, "What are you talking about? I was answering Lacey's quesiton..."

*long, awkward pause*.... *Laughter for the next ten minutes*

That was the hardest prayer I think I have ever said in my life... Maybe this is one of those things you have to hear in person to be funny... But I am sure we can all relate to this situation...

safety first

2007-09-19T17:47:00.000-06:00

today my dad walked into part of our house that is under construction and said "ow".

I asked if he hurt himself.

he said, "potato".

uh...yeah.

And the Verb of the Day Is...

2007-09-06T23:03:00.000-06:00

to vike \vaik\ v [back formation] : to pillage, plunder, or otherwise cause a nuisance while wearing horn-ed hats and riding around on boats with giant snakes (/dragons/vicious mermaids) on the front.
-Megan

Goodbye-Sister-Mandy Funniness

2007-09-06T22:58:00.000-06:00

Well that was the most disappointing molestation I've ever seen. -Landon

Miri, let me do something to your butt real quick. -Lili

And by man you mean muppet. -Megan

Megan: He probably just realized how much he misses us.
Miri: Yeah... probably.
Megan: That's probably what everyone realized tonight, not just him. Haha... just kidding.
Miri: No you're not, you liar.
Megan: You're right... I'm not.

We are snobs and nerds.

2007-09-06T22:56:00.000-06:00

Miri: It does have stick figures of human people. Did you like how I said "human people?"
Megan: I know for me, personally, human people are the best kind of stick figures. For those of you who don't know that. Or me.

2007-09-03T12:14:00.000-06:00

Todd: Hey Miri, let's go date.

al-qaeda spider

2007-08-31T10:28:00.002-06:00

Last night on the way home from a movie there was a spider on the windshield, which Mike tried to kill while driving and telling me not to look. Afterward the conversation went like this:

Mike: I TOLD you not to look!
Me: Well I can't not look, I have to know what the threat is!
Mike: The threat? What, was it Al-Qaeda on the windshield? They almost...
Me: Got me?
Mike: ...Put a veil on you.

2007-08-16T21:59:00.000-06:00

(In Port Angeles)
Carrie: Excuse me, can you pretend to be assaulting me?

Who Pooped in the Park?

2007-08-16T21:00:00.001-06:00

Greetings from Forks! A few highlights of the day from Megan and Carrie:

We found an amazing book in the Forks welcome center called Who Pooped in the Park? Animal Scat and Tracks for Kids. That in and of itself is incredible, but the book was really a gem. It was about a little boy who was afraid of seeing bears and things in the woods, and his parents told him that he could enjoy animals by looking at their tracks and "scat." "We don't have to have close encounters of the scary kind, we can have encounters of the poopy kind!" At the end of the day, the kids have discovered the joys of animal scat. "We didn't see any animals, but it felt like we did!"
Don't touch racoon scat. It contains parasites. You can identify owl poop because it's full of bones and fur.
In the Forks Coffee Shop - Carrie: "That waitress has angst!" (Throws in vampire fangs and bares teeth at her back.)
On a sign: "Beach logs kill!!!" Also, "Tsunami Evacuation Route." Yes, drive AWAY from the ocean.

Sadly, we weren't keeping a list of our hilarity, but I'll add more as I think of it.

A Moment

2007-08-05T01:52:00.000-06:00

Today I was texting Krissie and she asked if I was dating anyone. (Actually, she asked if I was eating anyone, but I assumed she meant dating.) I told her that I'm actually pretty hopeless with dating and that I'm good at making friends with boys, but not at dating them.

Krissie: "Oh I am in the boat beside you holdin out your oar."

Yeah, we're going to get along just fine.

Pet Meds

2007-07-27T21:29:00.001-06:00

"There are hundreds of pets across America dealing with drug addiction because of Betty White."

My sister and I were watching TV and that annoying Betty White Pet Meds commercial came on...I said I hate those commercials and Lauren said Betty White was old and then I started talking about how she is trafficking drugs to pets....hence the quote above.

For the record, i don't like that i have to post my own quotes, but it was my sister's idea...she just couldn't post it for me so this will have to do. the end.

2007-07-17T17:20:00.000-06:00

(about a game of Monopoly in which he cheated... a lot...)
But you were destined to win anyway. You're like... Luke Skywalker. Or Jesus.
-Mike

Aw.

2007-07-08T15:25:00.000-06:00

My four year-old nephew Cooper, after coming off a ride at Lagoon: "Daddy, my tummy is dizzy!"

Another incident of bad timing.

2007-06-24T17:16:00.000-06:00

We were over at Jeff's brother's house playing Apples to Apples, when Jeff and his brother were recalling how the card "Hellen Keller" usually works in most cases. So they threw down the next green card, and Jeff jokingly called out Hellen Keller. Sadly the word was "senseless". Wait to go, Jeff.

I guess this isn't much of an actual quote, but funny none the less.

All in a days work... stupid readers digest...

2007-06-24T17:12:00.000-06:00

So basically, Nicole and I were hanging out on Temple square as we both work there now, and I was telling her about how I was traumatized at the thought that I may have deleted the original copies of all our movies.

Nicole: But don't you have a copy on your dad's computer? We made them on there!
Lili: No Nicole! I took everything off my dad's computer! I gutted it!
Nicole: You did!?
Lili: Yes! (6 missionaries walk behind me and I am unaware...) I just took everything off! (Louder, to be dramatic.) I took EVERYTHING off!!!

...Missionaries look my direction, then continue awkwardly on their way...

I am so embarrassed... Sob...

2007-06-21T01:24:00.000-06:00

Jennie: Miri, now your naked bear looks more naked.
Miri: That's because now he's naked and alone.
Curt: Story of my life.

2007-06-14T19:36:00.000-06:00

Miri: Why is Prince William on my bed?

Basically, we're going to hell

2007-06-12T23:00:00.000-06:00

Notes from church on Sunday . . . while sitting by Curt.

Megan: Lili knows every Osmond song.
Jeff knows this, and they are still together.
It must be love.
Miri: Curt thought you were taking notes: How to be converted by the Top 40. (In response to the speaker, who told her mom or dad's conversion story, which involved listening to the Osmonds.)
Megan: That's next. But I'm going to type it up because there's just too much to say and it's such an important concept.
Miri: We'll probably have to get it published. This talk, the notes. How about "The Annotated . . ." and so on. How can we deprive the world of this knowledge?

Speaker #2: (after indicating that the reason to do missionary work is that it is an adventure) Life without adventure is kind of . . . adventureless.

Curt: (after Miri responded to his picture of the speaker as the Geico gecko with "I have no words.") Life without words is kind of wordless.

Speaker #3 quotes a Will Smith song.
Megan: Wow, thank you for quoting Will Smith.
Miri: I can definitely say amen to this talk now.

Pop Culture Quoted or Referenced in Sacrament Meeting - the final list:
The Osmonds
Will Smith
Oprah
Mitch Albom
Schindler's List
The Hiding Place

Curt: Closing Hymn: "God Be With You 'Till We Meet Again." (Crossed out) "Bye, Bye, Bye."
Miri: I'm waiting for the LOTR reference, or Mary Poppins or something.
Lili: Harry Potter, anyone? I would have mentioned Harry Potter.
Curt: Forgiveness is like Quidditch..."

Sunday school

Megan: Ah. Brazilan girlfriend explains the awkwardness when I first met him. C'mon dude. Watching Curious George is not a threatening situation.
Miri: Kind of awkward that he felt compelled to tell his life story so no one would think he met the Brazilian girlfriend on his mission...
Megan: He's already planning to use Portugese in his talk? Not judging device commencing . . . now.
Miri: Device . . . failure . . . mayday, mayday!
The system is down.

(When Sunday school started the new teacher let us ask questions. Curt asked whether he'd cut himself shaving because he had a bandaid on his neck, and he gave some vague crap answer about how it was something else... no idea.)
Curt: I don't care what he says, he did cut himself shaving. Yay! Puberty!
Miri: He just has a (really small) hickey.
Curt: I am contemplating from whence small hickeys come? .... young Brazilian girls with straws?
Miri: Ew.
Megan: Enter Babylon
Miri: (quoting Kay): What the Sodom and Gomorrah is this?
Curt: I was going to say "off with his head," but from the looks of his neck, someone has already started that.
Miri: Will we be painting the roses red after the lesson?

2007-06-12T22:59:00.000-06:00

Megan (to Miri): Wow, that fits you even worse than it fit me!

Paris holds the key to.....funny quotes.

2007-06-05T20:31:00.000-06:00

Here are some various quotes from Krissie and I in Paris this last week....enjoy!

"Come here and let me whisper sweet nothings into your eye."
- Lindsey trying to help Krissie get something out of her eye.

"I'll give you ten Euros for the Eiffel Tower."
- Krissie trying to get an Indian guy to sell her the actual Eiffel Tower

"Hello France! Can you see my underpants?"
- Krissie in front of the open hotel window

"Make them think you are taking pity on a hunchback."
- Lindsey (I can't really remember why at the moment)

Lin: "What kind of garden doesn't let you play on the grass?!"
Krissie: "Hitler's Garden."

"The garbage can says 'Merci'! It's speaking French to me!!"
- Krissie at McDonalds

"I don't think that is him because he didn't answer to James."
- Krissie after having chased James Spader in the Louvre

(To the tune of My Humps) "Your pinkie, your pinkie, I want to hold your pinkie winkie." - just don't ask

Krissie: "You sure think a lot about monks."
Evan: "I'm not gay."

Finally, after watching a male pigeon chase idiotically after a female pigeon for a very long time Krissie said, "Boys are retarded."

A Lesson in Paying Attention

2007-06-05T16:16:00.000-06:00

[playing the thimble game at Bishop McGee's house]
Chris Savage: Okay, the category is former Soviet satellites. [laughter from group] Just kidding. TV shows! [points to Jason McGee first, thimble poised]
Jason McGee [triumphantly]: Yugoslavia!
Chris: [splashes Jason in the face]
Jason: [splashes Travis in the face for distracting him]

Geoff Strikes Again

2007-05-27T14:40:00.001-06:00

This is kind of a paraphrase from Sunday school today. We were talking about prayer and how sometimes we just have to be persistent in what we ask for - the Lord wants to see how much we care about what we're asking for, etc.

Geoff: You know, sometimes I say to myself, 'I'd like to eat now,' but I don't feel like putting in the effort to prepare anything. Sometimes I eat hot dogs, not because I actually want hot dogs, but that's what I end up with. I eat a lot of hot dogs. So that's kind of like our prayers. We can't be satisfied with spiritual hot dogs.

How true that is. I think that may be destined to go down in history next to the parable of the pickle. Maybe it's a hot dog with relish.

Today.

2007-05-24T23:09:00.001-06:00

Miri: (Generic whining about how screamo bands irritate the crap out of me. If you can't find a MUSICAL way to express yourself, maybe you shouldn't be a MUSICIAN. And also how I was disappointed/annoyed by a My Chemical Romance song that had looked promising.)
Megan: Well, it's ok. I heard the lead singer has cancer or something.
Miri: (at least a minute or two later) Wait- did you mean it's ok, he has cancer, as in he's going to DIE??

I finished snogging today. -Nicole

Megan: Why are you still talking?
Lili: My mom says that all the time!

Were you just making upward noises? -Lili

(in reference to the 10% Toys R Us discount which is pretty much only good for getting rid of tax)
Megan: Any time you can cheat the government, it's a good day.
Miri: I'm writing that on the quote wall. We might get arrested, but it'll be worth it.

Harry Potter does not have a mullet. -Lili

Miri: You're a butthead, Lili.
Lili: That is the worst imagery Miri. That's like "Eyemouth!" "Toe-ear, Miri!"

Lili: I have an anti-Miri device around my door. I only turn it on during the day. I know every time you've come into my bed!
Miri: [uncontrollable laughter]

All: Jim! Jim!
Lili: We're idiots. All of us. Every one.

Cracking the Whip

2007-05-23T19:18:00.000-06:00

(In reference to a fairy tale theater movie Mike refused to watch)
"I watched Dragon Ball Z with you. If you don't want me to make a list of all of the things you've made me do that I didn't want to do, you will watch this movie. Now, let's go shopping." - Miri

Quote from across the pond

2007-05-23T05:02:00.000-06:00

"I feel bad her water broke." -Lindsey

(I was referring to a bottle of water...)

Geoff's First Quote

2007-05-21T23:12:00.000-06:00

Here, you can have your steamy sex back... -Geoff

Sacrament Meeting Supplementary Notes

2007-05-20T16:25:00.000-06:00

Jennie: love of money > love of Tyler

Miri: How unfortunate that when he says the word "prism" it sounds just like "prison."

The temple ≠ prison

Megan: The temple > prison . . .
as love of money > love of Tyler

Miri: So does that equate the temple with love of money?
Megan: In the analogy sense more than the mathematical sense. English-related comparisons are much less rigid. Even if they are made with math symbols.
Miri: math symbols > math itself

Speaker (Tyler): You need to fill your canteen, and then when the wilderness around you is attacking you, you’ll be safe.
Megan: The wilderness is attacking us? And water will ward it off?
Miri: Like the little girl in Signs.

Megan: Some people has glasses. Some people has headgear. Some people (who shall remain nameless) deserve to be hit with a book. Or a truck.

Serious

2007-05-20T02:04:00.000-06:00

So one night when I was angry with boys, Jonathan invented a method of feeling better involving Toaster Strudel. You draw the face of the punkface on your strudel, and then not only do you get to eat toaster strudel, you also get to eat their face.

Jonathan: Hey, don't take this stuff lightly. This is some serious voodoo crap.

MALE=LAME

2007-05-20T01:44:00.000-06:00

love of money > love of Tyler
-Jennie

Miri: Marrying a girl is way better than marrying a boy. If I could marry Megan and not go to hell, I would.

Megan: Too bad nobody's going to be holding my hand tonight.

Holidays and boys make you fat and sad.

Miri: If Stacia hasn't been obvious, I'm a turkey!

Miri: Lindsey, make my brain shut up!
Lindsey: Hey, brain, shut up! You silly brain... don’t you know that boys are giant nerds? (Refer to your memory and previously written heathen notes.) I love Sam. I love you too- we are so cool... Wait, we aren’t supposed to say that so much. And if we didn’t think about boys we would never get married because we wouldn’t think we needed them- and we do because they call us pretty and stuff. Darn them. (-a note written in Relief Society in Sam and Jennie’s ward)

But he’s not cute. He’s ugly. And retarded. And by ugly and retarded I mean cute and not retarded. –Lindsey

We fall in love with you because we are delusional.
We think that somewhere Heathcliff is in there trying to get out.
We don’t realize that Heathcliff was invented by a woman.
-Megan

male = lame -Christine

Boys are lame. –Drew Graham

He should be so lucky! –Miri

Guys are frustrating! It’s a good thing they’re hot. –Stacia

I didn’t know one person could have so much awkwardness. –Megan

Miri, you are so happy today. Did you find a boyfriend? –Bintou

Megan: But 192 doesn’t like girls.
Miri: That’s true. They like deer.

We’re afraid of girls. I think it’s engineering-induced social retardation. –Jason

I want to be a Mormon nun. I think I’ll call up Sheri Drew. We can hang out. –Miri

Miri: Lindsey, what’s wrong with you?
Lindsey: I’m a man.

I’m pretty sure that whenever I refer to people as “boys” it’s because of them having screwed up my life. –Sam

There is NO excuse for taste that bad! –Andy Zaelit

Well, you know ___. He’s basically afraid of bunnies and small children. –Lindsey

Boys = stupid

And it was so cute, and I was like... please date me. –Megan

Miri: You don’t want a Stepford husband, though, cause he’ll try to put a chip in your brain.
Jennie: Yeah, that’s no good. I might want a chip in my mouth, but not in my brain.

Boys are stupid. Girls are stupid too. We’re stupid about boys. Boys are stupid about everything.

How many times will a boy ask a girl out after getting a no, then insulting her, then asking her out again? (Chris- IIIII II)

R.I.P. Simon

2007-05-20T01:28:00.000-06:00

A tribute to our dearly departed married friend Simon the Pixie.

Lindsey: You are a random, girly boy.

Simon = favorite boy ever invented.

Whitney: Simon, I love you. If I weren't going on a mission, I would pursue you.
Jennie: I've been pursuing him for months and he hasn't bitten.

Simon: I would like to clarify that I was NOT kissing the toilet brush.

Simon (in a text to all of us): I just wanted you girls to know that y'all looked very beautiful today. (Aw)

The Bipolarality of 154

2007-05-20T01:20:00.000-06:00

We Like Us

You guys are pretty awesome, let’s be honest. –Lindsey

You have a definite lack of suckiness. –Megan

Oh man, I am so darn exciting. –Megan

Too bad no one’s gonna be holding my hand tonight. –Megan

I sure get a kick out of myself sometimes. –Megan

Man, sometimes I’m just so funny I can’t stand myself. –Miri

We’re so cute. I like us a lot. –Megan

I am so sneaky! –Megan

Miri: Megan, I like you a lot.

Megan: Well, I can’t blame you. I’m great.

Wow, it’s a good thing we have each other to be the comic relief or else we’d get way too much studying done. –Miri

As roommates in Zion...

I’m just a quote wall waiting to happen. –Jennie

Mandy: I think you’d be hotter than them.
Whitney: Oh, I would be.

Pretty sure we’re the hottest thing since soup. –Lindsey

Self-Deprecation

I really can’t afford to gain any more weight or I will not be allowed to ride elevators. –Miri

Man, I royally suck. No, not royally. I just suck. –Miri

I don’t know. It just bugs me that I’m stupid. –Miri

Someone needs to hit me in the head with a frying pan. –Miri

Why is my face funny looking? –Megan

Why is my face stupid? –Miri

I think I need to buy a new head. –Miri

Nice work, hair. Way to be stupid. –Megan

I’m sad that I’m such a loser. –Miri

I want to be a Mormon nun. I think I’ll call up Sheri Drew. We can hang out. –Miri

I’m not having a good hair... semester. –Miri

I think I’m just gonna go to my room since I’m on drugs. –Whitney

Miri: I’m not usually retarded!
Jonathan: That's good!

2007-05-20T01:19:00.001-06:00

Jennie: Good old President Hinckley.
Megan: Yes, he is good. And old.

A Tribute to Todd

2007-05-20T01:14:00.000-06:00

The following (and variations thereof) have been said in Todd's presence for the last year.

"Oh no! Don't show Todd!"

"Hey Todd, get out!"

"Don't tell Todd about that."

"We'll talk about it after Todd leaves."

"Todd, close your eyes!"

"No! Todd can't see!"

"After Todd goes."

Also, a funny thing Todd said:

Todd: I do love chemistry. More than . . .
Miri: Life itself?
Simon: A million dollars?
Todd: . . . dirt.

Todd: (In reference to the cha-cha) I know all the steps, but I can't shake my booty worth a darn.

The Original Upstairs Quote Wall

2007-05-20T01:08:00.000-06:00

You guys are pretty awesome, let’s be honest. –Lindsey

You have a definite lack of suckiness. –Megan

I really want to study, but I’m lazy. –Bintou

But he’s not cute. He’s ugly. And retarded. And by ugly and retarded I mean cute and not retarded. –Lindsey

I really can’t afford to gain any more weight or I will not be allowed to ride elevators. –Miri

Hey, it’s called solitaire, not two-person-itaire! –Justin

Holidays and boys make you fat and sad. –Lindsey

How can the temple be ‘alright?!’ Bob, you’re going to hell. –Miri

Whoopsie, I think my bum crossed the chastity line. –Drew

Zion = Cheers -Drew Smith

And I was like, “Mary Poppins is in bed with Paul Newman!” –Sam

Janice Indiana Jones Underwood

It’s a good thing we have those there to catch things with. –Landon

Listen, just don’t deal with old people. They’re pretty much useless. –Nate Kartchner

Man, I royally suck. No, not royally. I just suck. –Miri

I haven’t seen it in like ten years! Okay, so not ten years, but at least two months or so! –Alex

I don’t know. It just bugs me that I’m stupid. –Miri

What a load of towel. –Megan

Everything I touch is “for lovers.” –Karissa

We fall in love with you because we are delusional.
We think that somewhere Heathcliff is in there trying to get out.
We don’t realize that Heathcliff was invented by a woman.
-Megan

Look how smell it goods! –Megan

Death by vocabulary! –Megan

Oh, hair tie, you are somewhere in my purse. Manifest yourself. -Landon

Well, you know Val. He’s a Boy Scout. He’s always busy tying knots and stuff. –Dyno

Someone needs to hit me in the head with a frying pan. –Miri

male = lame -Christine

Let’s twice and a half it! –Megan

-Well, I’ll be damned.
-You most probably will be. –The Long, Hot Summer

Dang, I look good. –Alex

Aahh! A noun is coming! –Amy

Boys are lame. –Drew Graham

And I was like, what on earth? And then I realized that it was just because my brain is near death. –Megan

Toilet paper and paper towels are interchangeable. –Janice

He should be so lucky! –Miri

Do we have anything that resembles a cooling rack? Maybe we could use a blanket… or toilet paper. –Janice

Why is my face funny looking? –Megan

Why is my face stupid? –Miri

Holy buckets! –Miri

Yes! I saw an ad for that and forgot to remember about it! –Christine

And I said, “What kind of stupid question is this?” –Bintou

Dang, I’m fresh out of 25,000 foot cables. –Bradley

Chocolate is a substitute for love. –Miri

Just because Nixon was a realist doesn’t mean he wasn’t also an S.O.B. ‘Cause he was. –Valerie Hudson

Oh man, I am so darn exciting. –Megan

Too bad no one’s gonna be holding my hand tonight. –Megan

I’m full… but I want to eat! –Bi

I sure get a kick out of myself sometimes. –Megan

Man, sometimes I’m just so funny I can’t stand myself. –Miri

Guys are frustrating! It’s a good thing they’re hot. –Stacia

We’re so cute. I like us a lot. –Megan

My ears are cold. I need ear gloves. –Miri

I’ve invented a game involving a Guatemalan hedgehog. –Rob

She’s leaving a trail of woe and misery behind her with her slash and burn dating. –Megan

And it was so cute, and I was like… please date me. –Megan

I’m like ten thousand degrees hot right now. –Joel

Mmmm, splendid. –stupid cereal box

Miri: When were you born?
Brad: 5/27/80
Miri: 527 AD?!?

Is it too late to go into ornamental horticulture? –Isaac

And whatever happens, hang on to your bucket. –How to Steal a Million

I think I need to buy a new head. –Miri

Nice work, hair. Way to be stupid. –Megan

Gosh, we’re great. I would date us! –Megan

Git ‘er done!

What the Sodom and Gomorrah is this? –Kay

I am so sneaky! –Megan

That floats my happy boat. –Camille

I’d be giggling if Paul Newman kissed me! –Miri

Just regular-type flying monkeys would be fine, but pitchfork ones? –Lindsey

Pi is for eating, not exponentiating! –Janice

The day is cold and dark and dreary.
Divine Comedy is sold out and I am weary. –M.W. Longfellow

I didn’t know one person could have so much awkwardness. –Megan

Sam: So I was walking down Main Street in Disneyland today-
Megan: Today?? Wow, you get around!

YAY PANTS!

I’m sad that I’m such a loser. –Miri

Miri: Megan, I like you a lot.
Megan: Well, I can’t blame you. I’m great.

How can an adverb be passive OR active? They don’t DO anything!! –Miri

Wow, it’s a good thing we have each other to be the comic relief or else we’d get way too much studying done. –Miri

Hey! We should learn Morse Code, and then we could jump up and down and send messages! [jumps up and down] –Miri

Megan: Come on, ugly car! Go!
Miri: That IS an ugly car!
Megan: Well, they’re from Missouri. They don’t know any better.

Oh, this is cute. Why don’t I just wear a nun’s habit? That would be really attractive. I’m sure that’s why they wear them. –Miri

I like to wiggle my toes in these socks. –Megan

One day I’m going to see him walking on campus and I’m going to faint. Or jump on him. –Mary

China will never become a great world power because they don’t have football. –Poli Sci 170

I’m like a Barbie. –Curt

If I brought a little joy into your humdrum life, my hard work ain’t been in vain for nothin’. –Megan

Lindsey: It’s kind of a guttural sound.
Brad: Guttural? Are you bowling?
Lindsey: It’s a word! Guttural: from your gutter.

Miri, you are so happy today. Did you find a boyfriend? –Bintou

Look how big these pants are. I’m pretty sure you could climb in here with me and it would be fine. Except for the whole awkward part. –Megan

You know what will be a happy day? The day that I don’t open the drawer and there are no knives so I butter my bread with a spoon. –Megan

I hate driving in the snow. It should be discontinued. –Lindsey

Miri: Trivia is fun.
Megan: And trivial.

Miri: If it’s between me doing it and a boy doing it, why not let him do it?
Megan: That’s pretty much my philosophy on life.

That’s it, you’re getting flushed. I hope you can’t swim, little buggy. –Lindsey

In the big picture, passing American Heritage isn’t really that important. I mean, it’s good information, but it’s not going to take me to the Celestial Kingdom. –Janice

Miri: Our doors are so ugly! I’ll go over it with a black permanent marker if I have to.
Megan: But then people will think we have the Plague.
Miri: Well at least they won’t think “baby poo!”
Megan: Yeah, cause that’s worse. Baby poo never killed off a third of Europe.
Miri: Yeah, but it smells!

Is that a serving platter on her head? Is she going to carry around a roast turkey?? –Miri

Megan: But 192 doesn’t like girls.
Miri: That’s true. They like deer.

Quotes from Phoenix

2007-05-19T17:08:00.000-06:00

Lili: Well, since I'm the closest to a man in this car . . .

Jennie: Your butt has a horse.

(Someone): My pants are wet . . . and I don't know why.

Jennie: Don't look at my butt when you get into bed . . . 'cause it's showing.

Lili: I would have fixed my wedgie before you pulled my pants down!

Jennie: Snow falls from the bum?

Miri: I want three halves of a fourth of your donette.

Jennie: Just because I'm drinking fitness water does not mean I'm fit!

2007-05-19T16:59:00.000-06:00

Jennie's thoughts on how we could get the maintenance men to come fix our light:
Do you want me to get naked? I could go stand in the hallway and say 'Hey maintenance man, I'm naked! I'm naked, maintenance man! Come fix our stuff!' Maybe I can go upstairs and get some of Landon's lingerie, and then I can stand in the hallway and say 'Dearest maintenance boys, come hither! I can't find my clothes until you fix the light!'
Don't you wish there was a picture to accompany this?